Deep breath!

I find it quite funny how you will hope and pray for things to turn out a certain way... and it's completely different than what you imagined! I'm finally in Mississippi. Have been for almost a week. It has definitely been different.

On the way down here, I prayed that things would be as I expected. Actually, that they would exceed my expectations. What a slap in the face! I have this tendency to make things completely different in my head than they really are. In my mind's eye, everything is much nicer!

Since my arrival, I have had a roller coaster ride of emotions. One day I wake up completely fine and the next I'm crying because of the overwhelming pressure I feel to get everything established. So far I have stressed over finding a job, getting school lined up, etc. I'm reminding myself daily that I have only been here a week. It's going to be ok! I will find a job. School will start soon and everything will be fine! Different but fine! Once that new routine begins, it will flow so much easier! Just breathe.

It's Really Happening

Today is the 2 week mark. It's starting to really sink in and solidify that I'm moving forward! The packing is done for the most part and all that's left is the knotting of loose ends.

A few nights ago, I was writing in my personal journal about all of the exciting things I expect out of this new path! I expect room for exploration and creativity! It is my goal to find the things that bring tranquility and joy to life! To seek and not expect things to fall into my lap. I want to go farther than ever. Not that I have anything to prove to anyone but myself!

This new road will be filled with a joy I've longed for and a passion that won't quit!

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of... education?

What makes you happy? This question has plagued me recently. I find myself constantly searching for something that will satisfy this thirst for happiness. Don't get me wrong! I have joy! But happiness? Webster defines happiness as "a state of well-being and contentment".
When I step back to view the entire painting called life, I find a desolate area. Canvas that was to be used in the completion of a masterpiece. Only to be set aside to chase after what was thought to bring happiness. Life. It's caught and pinned me between its forefinger and thumb. I find myself stuck in its cycle. Work, eat, sleep. Work, eat, sleep! Work, eat... ENOUGH!

I cannot function another day feeling like a hamster! I want off the wheel! I'm breaking out of this cage to find happiness! I'm going back to school! This completely overwhelms me with a mix of emotion! I am scared to death to break the cycle, but excited to begin the pursuit!

"All serious daring starts from within." -Eudora Welty

Who says you can't change?

Lately, I've been thinking about the things of this coming year. Yes, we still have a little less than a month to go before we hit the big 2010, but my mind can't shake it!

As this month winds to a close, you begin to hear more and more people talking about their New Year's resolution! We all make plans to do things that we ultimately forget about by March and happen to remember around October! I'm in the same boat! But there's something about this coming year! There's this anticipation that continues to build.

2009 has been a year of realizations. Finally coming to terms with the fact that I'm not satisfied where I am. I want more for my life. Last month, I was officially diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. While it's not a life threatening syndrome, it can lead to conditions that would be. Also, I've realized how important education truly is. An ultimatum has risen. I can stay in this place I'm in and become a stagnant human being or I can take that step towards becoming who I want to be! I choose to step!

I choose today to better who I am! I've decided to begin a life of overall healthiness, filled with eating right and lots of exercise, and will go back to school! I want 2010 to be my life changing year!

Here goes...

I'm taking a step out of my comfort zone. Blogging has been something that I've wanted to do for quite some time but have been absolutely terrified to do so. There's something about pouring myself out for people to pick over that has gripped me.

For the longest time I've blocked people out of my life. Giving them only so much and then pulling away. Always scared to let someone know how I truly feel or think. Worried that if they knew too much about me they wouldn't stick around too long. So I became a very shallow person. Wanting so much to be accepted but scared to death that I would end up hurt.

After several years of being completely miserable, I've come to the conclusion that I'm done with fear. It's held me back for too long! Since coming to this, my eyes are opened to all of the exciting things that surround me. It's empowering really- to know that I can do whatever I set my mind to!

So, here I am! At the brink of exciting new adventures and a life waiting to be lived!