Deep breath!

I find it quite funny how you will hope and pray for things to turn out a certain way... and it's completely different than what you imagined! I'm finally in Mississippi. Have been for almost a week. It has definitely been different.

On the way down here, I prayed that things would be as I expected. Actually, that they would exceed my expectations. What a slap in the face! I have this tendency to make things completely different in my head than they really are. In my mind's eye, everything is much nicer!

Since my arrival, I have had a roller coaster ride of emotions. One day I wake up completely fine and the next I'm crying because of the overwhelming pressure I feel to get everything established. So far I have stressed over finding a job, getting school lined up, etc. I'm reminding myself daily that I have only been here a week. It's going to be ok! I will find a job. School will start soon and everything will be fine! Different but fine! Once that new routine begins, it will flow so much easier! Just breathe.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of... education?

What makes you happy? This question has plagued me recently. I find myself constantly searching for something that will satisfy this thirst for happiness. Don't get me wrong! I have joy! But happiness? Webster defines happiness as "a state of well-being and contentment".
When I step back to view the entire painting called life, I find a desolate area. Canvas that was to be used in the completion of a masterpiece. Only to be set aside to chase after what was thought to bring happiness. Life. It's caught and pinned me between its forefinger and thumb. I find myself stuck in its cycle. Work, eat, sleep. Work, eat, sleep! Work, eat... ENOUGH!

I cannot function another day feeling like a hamster! I want off the wheel! I'm breaking out of this cage to find happiness! I'm going back to school! This completely overwhelms me with a mix of emotion! I am scared to death to break the cycle, but excited to begin the pursuit!

"All serious daring starts from within." -Eudora Welty

Who says you can't change?

Lately, I've been thinking about the things of this coming year. Yes, we still have a little less than a month to go before we hit the big 2010, but my mind can't shake it!

As this month winds to a close, you begin to hear more and more people talking about their New Year's resolution! We all make plans to do things that we ultimately forget about by March and happen to remember around October! I'm in the same boat! But there's something about this coming year! There's this anticipation that continues to build.

2009 has been a year of realizations. Finally coming to terms with the fact that I'm not satisfied where I am. I want more for my life. Last month, I was officially diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. While it's not a life threatening syndrome, it can lead to conditions that would be. Also, I've realized how important education truly is. An ultimatum has risen. I can stay in this place I'm in and become a stagnant human being or I can take that step towards becoming who I want to be! I choose to step!

I choose today to better who I am! I've decided to begin a life of overall healthiness, filled with eating right and lots of exercise, and will go back to school! I want 2010 to be my life changing year!